Emotional Healing Blog

Burgoyne Bay

August 30, 2007 by Shanti Mai

I finally went to Burgoyne Bay today, after I’d visited Bob Akerman’s museum, filled with photos and artifacts – relics of his family history, which is pretty much the history of south Salt Spring Island. 93 years old, with a great sense of humor and a love for the past, Bob is a great guardian of local roots.

His grandparents originally owned a lot of land on Burgoyne Bay. Seems the government was responsible for its loss. I can’t imagine losing land that sweet. I was streaming with tears when I saw it, felt it.

Here’s how I fall in love with land: It either sings to me or it doesn’t. Just exactly like the chemistry between two people, it’s not necessarily a logical thing. And I loved Burgoyne Bay; it sang a majestic song that wouldn’t let my heart go.

Burgoyne Bay is now a Provincial Park, so Bob and his 11 children - and their 80 children - can go there anytime they want.

I can, too!

Their roots are showing

August 28, 2007 by Shanti Mai

I went to a film made by Salt Spring filmmaker Peter Prince in collaboration with island archivists. Wonderful stuff like: Irish guy escaping from the potato famine arrives on Salt Spring Island, begins working some land, befriends the First Nations people in the area, marries into them. No discrimination against the Irishman, and none against their bi-cultural marriage.  Seen in a locally-famous 1800s photograph in front of a white church is a large group including a Hawaiian family. Blacks lived here peacefully, too. So the “Why not?” roots on the island are deep, historical.

These roots show to this day.

I suspect that American roots might be different, less inclusive. But perhaps discrimination only really came with the stable establishment of large settlements, when the group no longer needed to work together for survival.

I’ll be checking it out!

Boundaries

August 27, 2007 by Shanti Mai

Today I reached a decision involving boundaries which were entirely insufficient, not conducive to a peaceful existence.

I came to a clear decision, and, few hours later, right when I sat down to word an email to that effect, came the email addressing most of the issues I needed to have changed. No coincidence there…

Boundaries, when you really mean it, change everything. (And I’m ready to walk again, if needed!)

A hoover, a what?

August 25, 2007 by Shanti Mai

When a local friend here on the island said that he’d grown up wild in the bush, I thought perhaps he’d been born in Australia. But when later a totally unrelated person in the same Salt Spring coffee shop was talking about working “out in the bush”, and I realized how wrong my assumption had been! It had sounded so exotic, but all they meant was woods.

I was reminded of Kathy Richardson, the English exchange student who lived with us my senior year in high school. Together, we gradually filled a large glass jar with strips of paper on which we’d written language differences that had brought us both confusion and hilarity.

The first confusion happened before we’d grown comfortable with each other. It may have been her first day, when, during unpacking, she spilled a bit of something dust-like on the rug.

“Have you a hoover?” she asked in her musical Liverpudlian accent.

“A what?” I asked, mystified. I hadn’t noticed the spill.

Thinking I was deliberately messing with her, she quickly become frustrated and annoyed with me, raising her voice as if that would make me smarter – or less mean. I began to be concerned about this strange, angry girl with whom I’d have to share my room for an entire year!

We had never owned a Hoover. God knows what brand our vacuum was – Sears, perhaps - but Kathy had no way of knowing that Americans didn’t call them all “hoovers”, as they did in England.

We put all of these language discoveries in a large glass jar, and, at the end of the year, spent a good long time howling, again, with laughter. And crying. It had been a very good year.

What Emerson Said to Me

August 24, 2007 by Shanti Mai

When my 7th grade English teacher read the following quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, I nearly jumped out of my chair with excitement:

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.”

I really got it: When you’re holding on to a plan, a belief or a behavior only to appear – or to feel - like you know what you’re doing, that you were “right”, you’re missing what’s important. Change, the growth and learning inherent in change, is what’s important; what’s TRUE is important.

I’m reminded of that, now, when I’m saying I’m going to be available in a certain place on a certain date – and then having to take them off the website when the trip doesn’t happen and shift happens, instead.

That’s life according to Life, and life according to Emerson. And me.

Nothing Wrong with Nice

August 23, 2007 by Shanti Mai

As 2006 became 2007, I caught a CBC radio show from my home in Port Townsend, Washington. Listeners had been asked to vote for their favorite Canadian-written songs. The station played the resulting list of the top vote-getting songs while I was listened, fascinated, touched. The songs were so gentle, so nice!

I remember telling some friends about it, and thinking about it, fascinated by our neighbors to the north. Oddly, I had never been to that land, though I’d traveled to dozens of countries and had lived in four of them.

Now, on Salt Spring Island, I see the culture reflected in those lovely and humorous songs, both written and chosen by Canadians. I really like the songs, and I really like the culture reflected in them.

I like gentle. The adage “Nice guys finish last” now makes me think of Canadians and how they wait calmly for their turn. Now I join them calmly in line.

There’s nothing wrong with nice.

Bordering on Balance!

August 21, 2007 by Shanti Mai

Two of my new (Canadian) friends have expressed to me their frustration with their culture’s unwillingness to require clarity, to put strong boundaries in place. Their tendency to just accept and accept, until it’s no longer appropriate. I’m beginning to see what they’re talking about.

In between this laissez-faire approach, and the Americans’ need to confront virtually everything - for we are SO the opposite! - is Heaven - - and Health! Though I am still charmed by the patience and the gentility of the Canadian culture, I’m beginning to think that we are good for each other; that the presence of Canada has served to temper the American’s brashness and individuality, while the presence of America has served to inspire Canada.

This would be a good time to read my “Raging Grannies and Dopers” entry. It’s under the category Canadian Wakin’.

To share

August 21, 2007 by Shanti Mai

This poem, sent to me today by a rather brilliant client of mine, is something I wanted to share:

shush  by Alan Kinsolving

When you’re ready to hear

Even the flowers can break the bad news

And any broken thing

Can bury you in love

Broken glass and barbed wire

The soft green curve of a trash can

Pay no attention to the messenger

Just listen


“Practice what you preach” ? No:

August 20, 2007 by Shanti Mai

“Look at what you’re practicing, especially if it isn’t something you preach.”

The first statement is chiding, like shaking a finger, saying, “Aha! I caught you acting in discord with your own values.” And it’s hard to hear accusation. We all have goals, have touchstones for our behavior, and we all want to be in integrity with that.

When we watch our behavior, without judgement, but with honest, eagle eyes, we can begin to discern which beliefs – and their wedded emotions - are causing the discrepancy between our ideals, our values, and our behavior. Often our desire for what we perceive of as “safety” or “love” is stronger (and far less monitored!) than the thoughts and desires we believe to be “correct”.

So… the knee-jerk response that chooses our idea of safety, for example, is the one that gets acted on. Usually, year after year.  That noticing, and the resulting ability to make a better decision, is the beauty - and purpose - of Intuitive Counseling.

Satire

August 19, 2007 by Shanti Mai

Thanks to Cindy Sheehan for bringing this to my attention. I don’t believe in cloning, but, if I did, Cindy Sheehan and Mark Twain are two people I’d love to have several copies of! This piece would great for teaching the concept of satire.

from The War Prayer  by Mark Twain:

…O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale form of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it — for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts….